Monday, July 14, 2008


There is a phenomenon in Utah that I find quite amusing. Actually I am certain it probably isn't just Utah, but there is a version of it that is prevalent here that just takes it to a whole other level. Whole other, this is an aside, but don't you just love people that say "whole nother" instead of whole other. I digress yet again.
So I was thinking about the practice of substitute swearing. I again must confess that I am guilty of such a practice in days of yore. I won't trace the origins of such a thing as I am sure I could spend my whole day looking up articles about it, however I just get a kick out of the practice here in Zion.
There has always been the obvious "dang it" that is substituted for "dammit". I believe most little kids grow up learning to shout "dang it" when they get blasted on a video game. Hell, oops I mean heck, my boys consistently drop "dang it" when they are playing rock band. The one that cracked me up the other day was my boy Keaton who dropped a "son of a.." and stopped it right there. It was funny because his step-mom was giving him crap about it saying he was in trouble. This is the same kid that when he was about three years old dropped a "what the hell is this?" in the middle of a crowded Asian food restaurant when they brought him something to eat that wasn't mac and cheese. I have high hopes for this one actually picking up his father's love of expletives solely based on this one incident.
One of my favorites is the liberal use of the word "fetch" among Utahn's. Again I am not certain of it's origins, but I know that the missionary population is quite fond of this one. One that has emerged in the last few years is "shut the front door" a variation of good old "fetch or fetchin"
Now we all know what these words are substitute for so I will forgo using the actual word. (your welcome mother!)
Other substitute swears are variations of "son of a.." such as "summer ditches" "son of a biscuit eater" and the ever popular "sunny beaches"
A variation of the biggie of taking the name of the Lord in vain is "got dandruff" or "cheese and rice".
Me I decided long ago just to go with the profane. I tried on the substitutes and honestly they are good for a laugh or two. They come in handy when you work with people that get offended easily by vulgarities. However these same people that use the substitutes are in my mind just being hypocritical. After all doesn't it say somewhere that "as a man thinketh, so is he?" If you are going to use substitutes, isn't it really just the same thing as actually swearing? Maybe it isn't that black and white for people, but for me, I wonder if you are really gaining points with the big man upstairs by replacing the actual word with one that has the same intent.
I think I'm sounding a bit preachy at the moment, and in reality I want to avoid that so I will dispense with the sermon.
In conclusion I want to just say; what the heck is the problem here? I mean seriously all you sunny beaches out there that think it is a fetchin problem to swear or curse need to re-examine your friggin' values and determine if this crap is really going to dang you all to heck and keep you from heaven. For heck's sake just get off your behinds, and shut the front door as you get the flock outta here and quit worrying about the consequences of saying what you really mean!


KAT said...

Gee Rich, since you fixed it so your mother could comment without signing up . . . I just couldn't resist making a few.

As you well know, I can be a bit of a prude, but I have dropped many expletives with the best of them. It is hard to grow up with 3 older brother and a Dad in construction (not to mention raising 4 sons) and not learn many of them.

However, I will step on my soap box for just a minute and give my opposition to two - well, okay three - well used "phrases".

I take major exception to those that take the Lord's name in vain. After all - even those of us who may not be "active" in any church generally have a comprehension of the ten commandments. I guess to put it in perspective - how would you like it if every time some on was so angry they wanted to ... well whatever - they shouted your name in full volume and anger. So anything using God or Jesus in a negative - I will oppose vehemently. So those are the 2 main ones -- And just to show my old fashioned old age - I cringe at the almight "F" word. But that
is just part of my generation - so I tend to ignore it -- still cringe, but keep my mouth shut!

So, feel free to "spout" whatever makes you feel better - but, around me, just avoid those three and we will be good!

As for the "knock off" phrases, I agree with you in part about being two-faced in using them, but I had to giggle when your brother popped out with "got dandruff some of it itches" when were were building furniture and it wasn't going well. I do realize that was going against my #1 objection to profanity, - but still - it was funny!

(Don't you love Mothers that get on soap boxes.) :<)

Love ya boy -- keep on writing - you are very entertaining.


Rich said...

Thanks for the sermon....the commandment thing I get it, absolutely....just as to your comment about "how would you like it if every time some one was so angry....they shouted your name in full" Kind of like when I used to get into trouble and you would yell "Richard Thomas!" he he he

Boyd said...

I get your point, but I don't necessarily agree with it. I think saying the substitution is better, even if ever so slightly. As one who has spewed expletives with the best of them, I know that saying the real deal is much stronger in my mind when it comes out. The other shows at least some restraint.

With that being said, Rich, your a real shithead.