Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Bollocks

I accidentally hit myself in the balls today. I really hate when that happens. Fortunately it wasn't a direct hit so I was spared the mind numbing, eye crossing pain, of a bulls eye. Why did God decide to dangle those things on the outside of our bodies, with the thinnest of sacks, no protection whatsoever, and then just for shits and giggles made them the most sensitive spot for pain? He put a woman's ovaries inside her body, why not men? If you punched a woman in the ovaries would they experience the same excruciating pain that men do?
Sure child birth is no picnic, I get it. I witnessed the births of my four children, I don't presume to equate the two at all. I'm just sayin', it really, really, hurts to get hit in the nuts. Women will never understand this pain just as men will never understand the pain of forcing a human baby through their hoo hoo, and for that I thank God.
My wife and I have had this debate for years and we have to agree to disagree. "We get PMS and child birth, it's the least God could do to even the score! Besides it can't hurt that bad." You women have no idea, you can't understand just like we can't. Plus I'm not so sure PMS isn't a punishment for men too! Sure we can pass a kidney stone through our very tiny pee pee hole, they say that hurts like child birth. I don't know and I hope never to find out, but you could certainly ask a women who has done both.

I have to admit that it is pretty humorous to see someone else take a shot in the junk, hell Hollywood has made it a mainstay in movies and television for years. I'm betting that since we get a kick out of watching it, no doubt God thought to himself, "this ought to keep me entertained for a few million years or so."
I played Tennis in high school and took a serve right square in the crotchal region. I believe that was the most intense pain I have ever experienced. While the other guy stood laughing to the point of tears, I rolled around on the court, hands over nuts, (a bit too late for protecting them now) breathless, preparing to meet my maker and give him a good shot to the nards. In retrospect I can laugh about it and use it in my own self deprecation to obtain a chuckle.

2 comments:

Boyd said...

Dingleberries are when the toilet paper gets stuck to the butt hairs and forms little white balls.

Just thought you should know that before you made the mistake of calling your goolies dingleberries again.

Rich said...

Duely noted and corrected thanks for your editing once again.