Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Clownin' Around

I wonder who made the decision that clowns were a good thing? You see them at the circus running around with all that makeup on and crazy floppy feet, and they are supposed to make you laugh. In fact it is quite the opposite. This spectacle is what nightmares are made of. They aren't funny. Not one little bit. They are freakin' scary. Clowns are evil everyone knows it, yet circus culture still tries to propagate the notion that they are somehow entertaining. They are not. Hollywood knows they are evil, just look at all of the movies that have evil clowns in them, there are a plethora, and the clown is always evil. Two little letters for you, I T. That was one crazy mutha effin' clown.
Did you know there are various types of clowns? Yeah, it's true. Do a Wiki search and you will see all of them. I couldn't even read the article because I was getting a bad case of the heebie jeebies again. Shiver!
There is even an actual word for being afraid of clowns, Coulrophobia. I must apologize, for I am struggling to get through this piece, and I have yet to post the visual aids to accentuate my point. I must forge on.

Perhaps Krusty the clown is an exception to the scary clown premise that will prod me to continue. The Simpsons try to make him out to be a beloved Harlequin whom the children love. But really, who ever heard of a clown that children love? Nope, I am sitting here looking at the bobble head Krusty I have on my desk and he too looks miscreant to me. I would put him away in my file cabinet, but I just know he will show up the next morning, back on my desk. Just staring back at me, communicating telepathically, "you think you can get rid of me sucka? I will kill you! I will murder you dead if you EVER, put me back in that metal box!"

Ronald McDonald? Please give me a break. That freak is, well, just that, a freak. Sure he tries to do right by the children with his Ronald McDonald house for families of sick children to stay in, while the kid is in treatment at the hospital. This however is only making amends for the fact that Ronald is still just a clown and clowns are sinister. McDonalds has to do something to counter balance the evil, you know yin-yang.

Bozo the Clown? Please that clown must have molested unsuspecting children all through the 50's and 60's before it was really discovered just how diabolical clowns really were.

Clarabell the Clown? Just look at this dude. A) his name is Clarabell...isn't that a chick name? B) tell me this picture of he/she isn't scary? This picture reminds me of another very intense individual whose driver's license has almost the same picture on it, minus the make up. You know who you are, and I better not see you show up to work in clown make up or you're fired!

If your opinion differs from mine on this subject matter, I don't want to hear it. Clowns are, have always been, and will always be, malevolent. "But Rich" you say, "they are just people under all of that white face paint." Look, I'm sure that the individuals that are putting on these horrific disguises are most likely wonderful people in their human form, but I believe once you don the makeup and costume, it's like that Jim Carrey movie The Mask. It takes over you and you in fact become an alter ego that is nefarious.
Nope, clowns have no place in our society, Eff you clown. Eff you.


Kristina P. said...

This post makes me want to cry. And then pee my pants.

Boyd said...

Clowns don't scare me to death, but they sure annoy the balls off of me. They are kin to another annoying breed: the mime.

Basically, the circus is just a bunch of freaks who couldn't get friends.